Yo, so I recently bought a TV for my grandma, aged a lovely 200 years and 4 months, & when I brought it home, things started to happen.
On the regular, when I bring home new things, the house stinks for a month, and until today the scent of fresh waffles hung in the air, but not today.
Usually, I am counting my money like the greedy bastard I am, so I didn't notice the smell until my cat told me, so I investigated.
Jumping off my polar bear testicle couch, I went to where the TV was set up.
Unknown to me, however, I left my cigar still lit on the newspaper.
Storming down the stairs, I was greeted with the following:
"To my darling to me, I love youuuuuuuu"
Lorraine, my wife & cousin, screamed "The TV is singing!!!" I ran downstairs, and was stunned to find the TV belting out a sweet Conway Twitty ditty.
Oh how my face tightened, and I yelled out "What the hell is going on!!"

Seriously, I was at my whits ends.

The TV never stopped singing, and my poor ancient grandma screamed as the TV danced with her.

This was the final straw for me.
Hell hath no fury like a man whose TV is singing and dancing without his permission after all.
Either by pure strength, or by pure courage (or by my two dozen eggs I eat on a daily basis), I punched that son-of-a-bitch as hard as I could.

Glaring at me, my grandma screeched "I am the saint of all, the killer of water, and your bedsheets will be cursed forever"
A chill ran down my spine.
My days were numbered.
Each time I thought of how I could save my grandma, I felt a curse run up my legs.

So the real question is, how do I fix my TV, and read the capitalized letters in order.