Why? He's got a gaggle of men willing to scavenge for food for him, and grow food for him, and all he has to do in return is laundry and dishes. We saw in slabtown that they actually eat from a buffet. A buffet. Many men and women on welfare in the real world don't even get to eat from buffets.

 

Still. Its clear Percy has been there since the beginning. Maybe he was even chubbier early on, and has lost some weight. I think its pretty clear he wasn't meant to be a survivor who lived on his own all this time.

 

Percy is our new overlord.

 

One week before the outbreak of the ZA, Abuela wandered off from the nursing home looking for her husband, whom she thought was just returning home from WW2. She walked right in front of an oncoming dump truck which, during a hard avoidance swerve to the left, knocked over a street lamp. The street lamp fell on top of a mail box, startling a 102 year old female philanthropist who was about to mail a donation check to a local animal rescue center. She fainted, the letter instead sliding through a grate in the cement, and into the city sewage system. Days later, a portly but not wholly unattractive middle aged man with early male pattern baldness, named Lubraham Palmeater realized that without the anticipated donation to his animal rescue center, he would be unable to care for the 33 kangaroos in residence at his facility. The check, having not arrived by Friday, he purposely left the door to the shelter ajar when leaving work. Thirty-two of the 33 kangaroos had evacuated the building by 7 p.m., the last one staying behind only because he had previously been told that panhandlers in the city would probably try to hitch a ride in his pouch. One wily kangaroo, known to the others as 'gggglllllrrrr' mistook Wilbur Hindbottom's toupee for a lilac bush, gobbling it down in seconds. Wilbur, immediately cancelling his blind date for later that evening, drove home and cuddled with his mother. His blind date, Barb Proops, a 30 something diminutive secretary for a hot pocket company, waited at Chuck E Cheezes for over 45 minutes. Upon finally deciding that Wilbur was a no show, she kicked the ball pit, sending plastic orbs in every direction. One landed right on the spaghetti dinner of unfortunate old blind Winkbladdar. Blind Winkbladdar, mistaking it for a meatball, washed it down with a sip of his Diet Mr. Pibb. At approximately 9 a.m the next morning, the ball made its way into the public sewer system where it would have immediately gotten caught up on pant leg of a dead mob boss who had been missing since the Terwilligar Scandel, had it not been bumped slightly off course by the letter that the old philanthropist failed to mail. Instead the ball lodged itself into a subdrainage pipe, plugging the tube entirely, causing an immediate back up of sewage, which began pouring from the toilet and sink of the Weenis Triplet's first floor apartment. Weep Weenis naturally accused Weeb Weenis of clogging the toilet with his tendency to over eat tootsie rolls, to which Weep, as expected, passed the blame on to Whack, who, due to an anatomical fistula, sometimes pooped out of his p*nis. A slapping fight ensued between brothers Weep, Weeb and Whack, during which their pet chinchilla Steve got frightened and jumped out the window. Steve ran like he had never ran before, not really thinking about what lay ahead of him in life, but rather just focusing on what he thought was the sunset, but was actually a Sunkiss Orange logo on a billboard. Feeling stupid after passing under the sign, he stopped into a local bar hoping for a drink. He pooped on a table almost immediately, and the bartender, mistaking him for a dishrag, put him in the garbage. Soon after, full of smiles thinking of his new putty knife collection, a balding white haired man with glasses entered the bar and sat down hoping for beef stew. He saw the chinchilla poop and ate it, assuming it was a blueberry. Hours later he was rushed to the hospital with acute appendicitis, where he was treated at Grady Memorial Hospital. This man was named Percy.

 

He would have been running down the hall on fire, but still popping the strawberries in his mouth.