The idea of holding the contract of marriage above all else is ridiculous. Flaws are one thing, but if someone becomes abusive, or cold, or distant, or if the love fades away, then sometimes we have to respect ourselves and move on. We only get one life, and that life is worth more than a contract. Life is too short to stay unhappy. What a married couple decides regarding the future of their marriage is their business, and certainly should not be influenced by either of the spouses' parents. I'm not married either, but if my parents ever told me that once I got married, I had to stay that way, I'd tell them to go f themselves.

 

all of the topics in the poll justify a divorce, as would sexual imcompatibility and persistant criminal activity
we live in a world where we can easily replace something that no longer works or pleases us some peopl go into marriage with that in mind so they do not committ to behaviours conducive to keeping a monogamous marriage alive . They expecte to be free to sample the grass that looks greener on the other side even if it will destroy their marriage. This is the kind of ****er you need to divorce in a heartbeat.

 

Yeah I agree with you on many of your points Jubi lation. I, too, have that old fashion sense of honour and commitment for a spouse, whether married or not... I'm not one to care about the piece of paper in terms of commitment and those values, they have to be there from the get go. I do think a lot of people expect a marriage certificate to somehow fix and recommit themselves to things that should have been there or even 'fixed' beforehand.

I also think that two people should bring out the best in eachother. If they are bringing out the worst in eachother, or bringing 1 down all the time, and things aren't equal in ways you decide - or you do not have eachothers back, or have eachother as being the top priority - then I also think it's almost determined to fail.

I've only had one very serious relationship which lasted not quite 4 years, and it ended because I was being used, manipulated, and taken advantage of, emotionally dumped on a lot too, always a drama a minute etc. It wasn't always like that, but more often than not it was - and especially toward the end I was the one who always gave, and had to compromise, etc. Anything I wanted, or any opinion or issue I had was deemed as unwarranted and misguided or a 'problem' I myself had, which ended up making me very self conscious and with no confidence in myself.

Took me a long time to see what others warned and tried to point out to me, because I so desperately wanted it to work. So it Broke my heart to really get into it with her and try to sort out the issue, only to realize that she had checked out a LONG time ago, and had little care factor for my feelings, and honestly didn't care if I left and ended it.
Of course to her and her friends I became the villain and it broke me as a person so much so I moved away from the city we lived just to start again. In hindsight I was indeed being manipulated for a long time and had a lot taken from me emotionally and financially. But it's the emotional that really takes its toll.

To even imagine being in another relationship pains me to think about, and it's made me very guarded and suspicious of people which I hate.

 

It's evident that most of our forum members know that I am Asian and I was merely trying to give insight to the culture on how they view marriage. They regard family and revere the husband/father as the patriarch, so anything that dishonors the family name falls upon back to the patriarch. I also did imply that getting a divorce would have been the best decision one would have made. For instance if my future husband checks out of the marriage and no longer wants to be married, I won't implore him to stay. I do go by the 'don't let the door hit you in the @ss on the way out'.

And at 87 you're still not married? Better get to it, you need to populate your own lil island before a giant meteor from outer space kills all earthlings! I don't know why I get such a sick and twisted pleasure out of teasing you.

 

Right on! I also do not condone an abusive relationship, whether that be verbal, physical or both.

 

No problem at all that you added another option.
It is bittersweet when I hear of stories of how two married people whom once use to be in love only for them to go their separate ways down the road. As long as it is amicable and both people remain civil and on friendly terms.

 

@CheesyBirdMess you are definitely not alone. That is wise bits of knowledge coming from you. I have been with guys, most of them of my heritage, and some of them have been utter disappointments. Because they feel that since the man has the right of way first, that gives them the right to disregard their woman or walk all over her? I can't stand being in a relationship where they make one feel oppressed. And being one who comes with a feminist mind, I won't tolerate it. The day hell freezes over is when I'll ever take back a lousy ex that has done me wrong. My pride is much too big and once that door is closed, that's it. He needs to redeem himself to the next girl he gets with. I have shown vulnerability in the past where it has only come back to knick me in the butt, so I won't be so foolish anymore. I still do get paranoid to a point that the next guy I get with is just going to use or take advantage of me so I have my walls ready to go back up. Or I tend to come off as snarky and bitchy at him to thwart him off. lol. It's wrong to do that, I know.

 

Large life insurance policy.

 

On top of higher divorce rates and people getting married later in life, I find many people just have no desire to get married at all, for whatever reason they deem fit.

I also come from a rather traditional culture, and the fact that I'm a homo with no plans to marry, and my brother who also doesn't really consider it a priority, you can imagine my parents really going crazy lol.

I used to feel bad a couple of years ago thinking "oh well my parents want that big ceremony" or "oh they want little annoying as **** grandkids," but I've gotten over that and refuse to feel bullied or obligated into doing something I have no interest it. I don't find this selfish at all.

IF that changes, I want it to be because of me and not because of someone else. It's my decision to make, and my life to live!

 

OMFG! I typed out a well worded response to all this, and I was logged out. I knew I should have copied it just in case. *sigh*

Basically it said no kids or marriage for me. The End.

 

Basically what I said was a Mexican chick that's 30 with no kids is an anomaly, and that's how my family views me. But whatever I'm annoyed by most of them. Thankfully my parents don't care, as long as I'm happy.

My bf and I both did not want kids before we even met. We've been together forever, longer than some of my friends have even known their husbands. We live together, pay bills together, vacation together, and we are each other's best friends. Marriage terrifies me. We're fine the way we are.

Not to say that I think anything bad about marriage. It's beautiful for the right people.

 

Reasons for divorce... I think at the base of most issues is that people get sick of each other lol.

 

Plus, after about 15 months of marriage, men want full fart freedom.