Back at camp, Shane and Lori continued their conversation:
Lori: So that's what happened to Ottis?
Shane: That's right. I killed the fat son of a bitch, and then I killed him again.
Lori: Its ok. I don't think there's any ROOM for him in our group! Haha. Get it?
Shane: yeah, yeah I got it.
Lori: So how did You guys wind up with Oscar?
Shane: Well, that's another funny story. It's like this.....
BACKFLASH
Shane, Dale, And Sophia were riding along in the RV.
Dale: So where are we gonna go to now?
Sophia: I wanna go to my Mom.
There was an awkward silence as Dale and Shane looked at each other.
Dale: I'm sorry sweetie, but you can't be with her. She's not a ghost.
Shane: Yeah, who'd a thought that weak ass bitch would live this damn long?! He'll, I had my money on her dyin in the first season. Am I right?
Dale: No, you're not. You're a jerk.
Sophia began to sob: I miss my family!
Dale: I know honey. I wish there was something we could do.
Shane: Wait a minute. Maybe there is. Dale drive to Atlanta.
Dale: oh, you don't mean...
Shane: Yep.
Dale: Oh boy, you are one sick puppy.

So they drove and drove, until they came across that little camp they had left behind so long ago. Unbelievably, sitting on the ground like a sulking child was Ed.
Sophia: Daddy!
Ed: Sophia?! It's really you! Where's your damn mother.
Sophia: Sorry Dad, she's still alive.
Ed: Damn. Of all the bad luck.
Dale: Hey Ed. Remember us?
Ed: Yeah I do. You're the old fella that was tryin to bang the blondes in the RV. I can respect that. And you! You're the asshole that beat me up last time we met!
Shane: Heh heh. Oh yeah, forgot about that.
Dale: Well, I won't agree with you on much, but Shane is an asshole.
Shane: So what you just been sitting here sulkin since ya died?
Ed: Pretty much.
Dale: Wait! Have you seen Amy?
Ed: Yeah, she was here, but she wandered off. That was a long time ago. Ain't seen her since.
Shane: Well, c'mon. Let bygones be bygones. You beat Carol, I beat you, Rick killed me. Call it even and get in the RV.
Ed: You want me to come with you?
Sophia: Please, Daddy.
Ed: I suppose. Ain't got nothin better to do.

Dale: Where we headed now?
Shane: To find Rick. We got unfinished business.
Dale: You can't kill him.
Shane: No man, I'm gonna confess my sins. Trust me.
So they traveled for many days, until they finally found Rick. He, as well as others were involved in a tense battle in a small town called Woodbury. Suddenly, Shane appeared to Rick carrying a shotgun.
Shane: Rick....Rick!
Rick: Shane?
Shane: Rick I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I put my Thing in Lori's Stuff! Hahaha!
Rick: What?
Shane faded away, just in time to see Oscar get shot.
Shane: whoops!
Just then, ghost Oscar appeared.
Oscar: What the hell? Am I dead? Damn! I just joined that group!

 

In the city, Andrea and Jacqui were approaching the aquarium. Suddenly, shots rang out. They took cover.
Hidden man: Back of, assholes! This is our hood!
Jacqui: What the hell? Someone's shooting at us! We gotta get outa here.
Andrea: Don't worry. I may look pretty, but I'm actually a stone cold killer.
Jacqui: Oh don't worry honey. I don't think you're that pretty.
Andrea: Whatever. Hey! Whoever you are, we don't want any trouble!
Hidden man: Well look somewhere else, bitch! Aint nobody here!
Jacqui: What do you mean nobody's here?! You are, and obviously you're hiding someone or something.
Andrea: Please, we mean no harm, I just want to find my sister.
Hidden woman: Andrea?
Andrea: No, I'm looking for a woman named Amy! But what a coincidence, my name is Andrea!
jacqui: You idiot! That's her.
Andrea: Amy?
Amy walked out with the horse by the reigns, Duane riding on it.
Amy: Oh my god, Andrea! I missed you so much!
Andrea: I missed you too!
Jacqui: Hey girl, how's the afterlife? And how'd you find Duane?
Amy: Oh, this is my horse stripe he's riding. I adopted him.
Two guys came running out with guns. It was Guillermo and Felipe.
Guillermo: You know these chicks?
Amy: Yeah, she's my sister.
Felipe: No shit. How about that luck.
Suddenly Merle walked up
Merle: Well I'll be damned. It's family reunion!
Guillermo and Felipe: Its the one handed man!
Merle: Well howdy, Beaners!
They drew weapons on each other.

 

Wait no more:
So, there the stand off began. On one side was Merle. On the other, Guillermo and Felipe. Stuck in the middle, Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, and Duane sitting on Stripe, the ghost horse.
Amy: Merle? How do you know these guys?
Guillermo: Him and his psycho ass friends are the assholes that killed us and our people!
Jacqui: They did what?
Andrea: Oh god, let me guess, Phillip.
Merle: Heh he. You got it sugar ****. He rescued me, and then followed one a the beaners here back to their hood. Don't know how they missed us. We was drivin round town in a big, white delivery truck.
Andrea: Damn, that bastard is everywhere!
Merle: You're the one that let him in your panties.
Duane: Ewww! Why would this guy wanna wear your panties?!
Jacqui: Damn, it's like I'm living in a camp filled with gutter trash. And the boy don't need to hear about it.
Andrea: Hey, he seemed nice at first.
Amy: That's my big sister! Always diving in, legs wide open.
Jacqui: What the hell is wrong with you?
Felipe: Enough! Amy, get outta the way so we can ice this fool!
Merle: Ready when you are, taco vender!
Amy: Now hold on, he's part of their group. You can't just kill him.
Felipe: He killed my Grandma!
Merle: Whoa there, essay! I didn't kill nobody that day. Alls I did was steal meds and a gun after they killed your asses.
Guillermo: Our people were killed by your crew that day. That can't go unpunished.
Merle: Newsflash, beaner! The same asshole that killed your amigos also killed me. And if I could I'd kill him myself. But we can't touch him long as he's one of the living.
Andrea: Its true. He kinda killed me too.
Amy: After you slept with him? I guess you never were that good in bed. But to make him wanna kill you? What kind of freaky shit did you do?
Jacqui: Sounds to me like you all aren't enemies, but do share a common one.
Stripe: So lets just agree to lower the weapons, before the Wild West starts up out here.
Andrea: What the hell? Your horse can talk?!
Stripe: All animals can when they're ghosts. How do you think I knew to bring the child here?
Merle: Why didn't you tell us?
Stripe: Because I don't like rednecks. The last one I met brought me here and fed me to walkers so he could escape. Not cool!
Felipe: So what's it gonna be, G?
Guillermo: You know where this prick that killed our people is?
Merle: Yeah. And I'll tell you what. Soon as he kicks it down there, we can go get his ass together.
Felipe: The people we got here need us.
Guillermo: No man. They need you. But they also need vengeance. Plus I swore a blood oath to Amy.
Amy: I'm sorry, but I need to go with my sister. And you need to be with your people.
Jacqui: Your people?! Figures, another racist bitch for the group.
A bunch of elderly ghosts float out and stand behind them.
Guillermo: You're their leader now. I'll get our people their vengeance.
Felipe: You don't have to do this, bro.
Guillermo: I'm the custodian. I clean up messes. It's what I do. It's who I am. Now it's time for me to take out the trash!
Duane: Hahaha! Was that supposed to sound gangster?! Hahaha!
Felipe: Ok man, good luck take care of yourself.
Guillermo: Thanks, Bro. Be safe.
Stripe: I'm staying to. I've slowly been stomping the skulls of each of the bastards who ate me as they become ghosts.
It's quite enjoyable, and I'd rather like to continue it.
Jacqui: Ok down you go.
Amy: Bye bye Vatos! It was tres bien!
Felipe mumbled: That's French, you dumb bitch.
So Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, Merle, Duane, and Guillermo started heading back out of the city.
Merle: Well Lookit this! We got us a beaner. Starting to like a regular United Nations over here!
Guillermo: Stop callin me beaner, asshole.
Merle: Sorry, no Habla the English, piña colata.

 

Did she ever return to the farm after throwing Daryl?

 

Oh yeah, forgot about that conversation. Well then she probably died in the fire, which means we'll be seeing her ghost again eventually. I have an idea for her too.

 

Yeah, I'll get a new episode done in the next day or so.

 

Previously, on the FLOATING DEAD
• Shane told Lori how he had met up with Dale, Sophia, Ed, and Oscar.
He also admitted to what he had done to poor Otis, as well as being
indirectly responsible for Oscar getting killed in Woodbury.
• The entire group found ways to mess with the heads of Rick’s team Prison.
• Dale started a strange, sexual relationship with Andrea.
• Lori lost Duane, who had snuck into the van headed to Atlanta.
• The group was overwhelmed, by the ghost prisoner army of Tomas and
Andrew. Oscar was rekilled.
• Otis, Ed, Jenner’s wife, and several ghost prisoners have been
destroyed by the dreaded Venkeman and his Ghostbusters.
• Andrea and her team found Amy floating and well at the Atlanta
Aquarium. She was living there with Guillermo, Felipe, and the rest
of the Vatos, as well as Stripe (the horse Rick rode into Atlanta).
Felipe stayed behind to lead the Vatos, while Amy and Guillermo joined
the group. The horse can talk.
• It turns out that the Vatos had been murdered by the Governor.
Guillermo, Andrea, and Merle have teamed up and sworn eventual revenge
on him.


And now, after a brief mid-season break, THE FLOATING DEAD returns…..
Dale sat atop the RV, watching with his binoculars. He saw a box
truck pulling up.
Dale: Hey! They’re back! I see them coming!
Axel: Oh boy! He sees them COMING??? This is gonna’ be excitin’.
T-Dog: Not that kind of coming, you nasty little pervert! (He smacks
Axel in the back of the head) Can’t believe I had to die to give
assholes like this lines.
Jenner: Hah Hah. Did you see that? He bitch-slapped that funny little guy.
Sophia: Aren’t you a scientist?
Jenner: I’ll have you know that we scientists enjoy a good bitch-slap
as much as the next man.
T-Dog: That’s good. Cause you’re about to get one yourself if you
don’t shut your mouth about it.
Jenner: Now, now. What you’re expressing here is misplaced anger stemming from…
T-Dog: Man, don’t talk down to me! I’m not stupid.
Sophia: Actually I think you are. Say one intelligent thing.
T-Dog: Fish can hear you think just before you sneeze.
Jenner: Touché sir. Well played.
Axel: I knew it! I could see it in their beady little eyes.
Sophia: I apologize T-Dog. You’re not stupid. At least not when
you’re standing next to these two morons.
Dale: Oh sweetie, Dr. Jenner’s not a moron. He’s a drug addict.
Axel: Hey, what about me?
Dale: Oh, you, you’re dumb as a box of rocks.
Shane and Lori walked up.
Shane: That’s enough, y’all. Don’t wanna hear no more bickerin’ outta you.
Lori: I just hope they have Duane with them. I’d feel terrible if
anything had happened to him.
Shane: Well you should. You’re the one that lost him.
Lori: I didn’t loose-loose him. He just kinda’ got lost.
Dale: Don’t be too hard on her. The boy ran off.
Shane: Stay outa’ this old man. You gotta keep a better eye on these
kids from now on, Lori.
Lori: I can’t belive I’m hearing this now. I told him to stay in the house!
T-Dog: Bitch, what house? What the **** house did you tell him to
stay in?! Where do you see a mother****in’ house around here?!
Dale: I think she meant the RV. C’mon now, she had the best of intentions.
Axel: (in the deepest voice he was capable of) The road to hell is
paved with good intentions.
Shane: Shut up man. Nobody asked to hear your mouth.
Sophia: (in a creepy, monotone voice) This is all your fault Dale.
You should’ve never made Shane tell the story of Otis.
Suddenly, the ghost van pulled up to the edge of camp. Andrea was
driving, and Merle was riding shotgun. As it came to a stop, the
sliding door opened. Out hopped Jacqui, Amy, Guillermo, and Duane.
As they approached, Dale and the rest of the group stared.
Shane: Man, I thought you said they was in a box truck.
Dale: I did. I swear, that’s what I saw.
T-Dog: So what, it magically turned into the van?
Lori: I don’t see any truck Dale. Maybe you just thought you saw it.
Dale: I saw a truck.
Shane: Best keep lookin’ then, cause that ain’t no damn truck.
Shane’s face looked grim. There was an ominous feeling in the air.

 

"Guacamole"

Andrea and Merle climbed out of the van. They, along with Jacqui,
Duane, Amy, and Guillermo walked towards Shane and the others. Sophia
ran to meet them and gave Duane a hug.


Sophia (in a cold, monotone voice): Duane, I am glad you still live.
Welcome back.
Merle: Lookit that little white girl run right up to you, boy. Youse
a stone cold player, aint ya?
Duane: Damn right! You bettah redneckanize!
Lori: Duane, we’re all just real glad to see you’re ok. But you can’t
be runnin’ off like that no more, all right?
Jacqui: Way to take control of the situation. We got your mother of
the year award right here.
Jacqui acted like she was reaching behind her back for something then
brought her hand up and gave Lori the finger. Everyone laughed.
Dale: Oh my God. Amy I can’t believe it’s really you. It’s so good to see you.
Amy: Grandpa! I missed you too.
Dale: I’m not your Grandfather.
Amy: Great-Grandpa?
Andrea: No, Amy you remember Dale. Remember? Dale? With the RV?
Amy: Oh, right, the smelly old guy. This is who you’re ****ing now?
Dale: Hey, I don’t smell any worse than anyone else. It’s the
apocalypse for god’s sake.
Jacqui: That means the end of society, not personal hygiene.
Andrea: Ok, ok, everybody back off. Dale, Amy didn’t mean anything
by it. She’s just used to younger guys is all.
Axel: Well now, that is interesting. (he twirled his mustache and
walked towards Amy with a grin)
Amy: Whoa, oh, no, not me. You’ve got me confused with my sister.
I’m a lesbian. She’s the one that sleeps with every psycho she meets.
Axel: But…you ain’t got the short hair…(He looked confused. Everyone
else stared at Axel, confused by him.)
Guillermo: What the hell is wrong with you people?
Shane: Who the hell is that guy?
Merle: Oh, my bad. Where are my manners. Everybody, I want you to
meet my new little beaner buddy, Guacamole.
Jacqui: Beaner buddy? Damn, this group is in need of some serious
discrimination training.
Jenner: No, I think they discriminate just fine without training.
You would’nt want them any more racist than they already are.
Guillermo: Guacamole? Really? My name’s Guillermo. Looks like we
gonna’ be rollin’ together for a bit.
Dale: Well, welcome to our little group. Or, en espanol, hola, como
estas ? (in the whitest, worst Spanish accent ever heard)
Guillermo: Dude, I speak English. And whatever that language is you
just spoke, it ain’t Spanish.
Then he saw T-Dog.
Guillermo: Yo, what’s up dawg? How you been?
T-Dog: Oh, damn, I remember you. The Vatos. Same old, same old. How
bout yourself?
Shane: Wait, you know this guy?
T-Dog: Yeah, he’s one a the guys we met in Atlanta. You know, when
we went back for Merle and the guns.
Merle: (mumble)You mean the guns. You didn’t come back with no damn Merle.
Shane: Wait, you tellin’ me this is one a the assholes Rick gave our guns to?
Lori: You gotta be kiddin me.
Guillermo: Watch who you’re callin’ asshole, asshole.
Shane: I run this group. I say what I please. You don’t like it, you
can hit the road, Jack.
Amy: Wait, he’s my friend.
Lori: Sweetie, he’s the reason you got bit. That’s who Rick and them
were with when we got attacked.
T-Dog: You can’t blame him for that.
Merle: Yeah, blame T-Dog. He’s the one that left me cuffed on the
roof to begin with.
T-Dog: Here we go, back on this shit again.
Shane: We’re talkin about this Guillermo right now.
Amy: Well if he goes, I go.
Andrea: I’m with her. So is Dale.
T-Dog: C’mon man, he’s a good dude.
Merle: Besides, we swore to team up to get the governor when the time comes.
Lori: Shane, do something.
Shane: Enough! Y’all want him to stay, he can stay! But let’s get one
thing straight. Like Rick said down there, if you stay, this ain’t a
democracy!
Jenner: Oh, good. How about a plutocracy? I had quite a bit of money
saved up before I died.
Shane: Damn, you’re brain is fried. How many drugs you on?
Jenner turned to face Guillermo.
Jenner: Speaking of drugs, you look to be a lower class minority of
some type, and they found you in the city. Do you have any drugs to
sell?
Guillermo: Man, is that what you think? That every inner-city member
of a minority group is automatically a drug dealer? You’re supposed
to be educated. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.
Jenner: What’s that? Were you saying something? I’m sorry, I don’t
speak Spanish.
Guillermo: What? Let me tell you something…


SKREEEEEEE! Breaks squealed as a dirty white box truck tore out of the
woods and into the camp. It was driven by an older black ghost.
Several other ghosts got out of the back. There was something vaguely
familiar about them.


Shane: Whoa! Stop right there! Who the hell are y’all?!
Older Black Ghost: Huh. Guess you can call us the FORGOTTEN.

 

If you liked that one just wait until the next episode. Things are about to get real crazy for this crew.

 

"Comedy Club"

Last, time, on THE FLOATING DEAD….


SKREEEEEEE! Breaks squealed as a dirty white box truck tore out of the
woods and into the camp. It was driven by an older black ghost.
Several other ghosts got out of the back. There was something vaguely
familiar about them.


And Now…. THE FLOATING DEAD


Shane: Whoa! Stop right there! Who the hell are y’all?!
Older Black Ghost: Huh. Guess you can call us the Forgotten.
Lori: Ok, sooo… what have you forgotten?
Older Black Ghost: Oh, we haven’t forgotten anything. It’s you who
have forgotten.
Merle: Looks like they forgotten their manners, tearin’ into our camp like that.
Dale: Wait a minute. There’s something familiar here. Do we know you?
Older Black Ghost: I’m surprised you recognize us at all. After all,
it’s been so long.
Shane: So long since what?
Older Black Ghost: Since you let us DIE! And then left us to die AGAIN!
Shane: What you talkin’ bout man?! ? I don’t even know you.
An older Black Woman with disheveled hair stood next to the older
black man. She held a gun in one hand and a piece of dirty laundry in
the other.
Older Woman Ghost: We are the Nameless masses you were sworn to
protect! The doers of laundry and other menial tasks that you allowed
to die in the fowl stomachs of those vile beasts!
Shane: Hey, you mind explainin’ just what the hell she’s runnin’ her trap about?
Older Black Ghost: She’s talking about YOU, Shane!
Shane: Me?!?!? I don’t even know that bitch!
Older Black Ghost: Oh, but you do. We were the residents of this camp
that you ran. We stayed in the background. No one cared what our
names were. We never even spoke.
T-Dog: Whoa, Whoa. Just stop right there. Don’t start complaining
about names and lines. I was with these mother****ers for two and a
quarter damned seasons, and they still never bothered learnin’ my
name. Just called me T-Dog. Hell, they still do. And I had to wait
for half of em’ to die before I got any lines. Then, as soon as I
started to be heard and really matter, I had to die. So don’t go
complaining to me.
Older Black Ghost: Yes, but they didn’t leave you behind.
Merle: They left me.
Andrea: Me too. It’s kind of the group thing.
Shane: You wasn’t left behind! You died in battle!
Older Black Ghost: You, Shane, were supposed to be leader and guardian
of this camp. But No, you let us DIE! You sacrificed us to save your
hoar!
Jacqui: I remember all of you, now. I was there that night. Everyone
did everything they could to save as many as they could.
Older Black Ghost: No, he let his hoar’s husband take some of our
fighters into the city, leaving the group weaker and more vulnerable.
He probably just wanted some alone time with her.
Lori: Hey! I’m not a hoar! I only ever slept with my husband and his
best friend!
Shane: Yeah, and that wasn’t my call for them to go into the city! I
ain’t never leave nobody behind! You were dead!
Dale: What about Otis?
Shane: Shut up, Dale! Other than Otis, I never left nobody behind!
Older Black Ghost: Really? Never? What about the second time you came
here, once you were a ghost?
Shane: What about it?
Older Black Ghost: You were with Dale and Sophia there. You never
even tried to find us. We were living in the woods!
Shane: How was I supposed to know?
Older Black Ghost: You didn’t even try! Dale asked about Amy, but not
a word about us!
Dale: We didn’t know who you were. Don’t make this about Amy. I was
close to her.
Amy: Ewwww. Anyways.
Older Black Ghost: You found and rescued Ed for god’s sake! He’s an
abusive, monster and you chose to rescue him!
Sophia: (in a cold, monotone voice) He’s my father.
Older Black Ghost: He’s a bastard! He’s the reason we were living in
the woods. He chased us out of camp yelling “This ain’t no comedy
club!”
Amy: To be fair, he kind of did the same thing to me. And he kept
calling me “missy”.
Sophia: (in a cold, monotone voice) My father simply cared enough
about laundry that he didn’t want it mixed with humor.
Older Black Ghost: That’s not the point!
Shane: So what is the point? Ed’s gone and I’m getting tired a
listening to your bitchin’!
Older Black Ghost: The point, SHANE, is that you had a chance to make
things right. But you decided you’d rather rescue the monster that
ran us off in the first place. Once again, you were going to let us
die. Now you have to PAY for that sin.


All of a sudden, ghosts started coming out of the woods, carrying all
kinds of guns. There was an army of them.


Older Black Ghost: But you see, in the woods, we united with the other
ghosts of the area. We learned to be strong. We learned to fight.
To kill.


The army raised their weapons.


Older Black Ghost: Ed was right. This ain’t no comedy club.​